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50th post
Friday, November 7, 2008

Dedicated to NaNoWriMo//

I love this program/project/set of ideas. It makes me realize a lot of meaningful things in life. I've always loved writing, I've always wanted to write and I've plots formed in my head time and time again, some of which were invoked simply by a word I came across with the dictionary, but I actually never opened a door for them to come out. Why? Because I've been afraid and I still am. I'm afraid of not knowing how to start it in an interesting way, I'm afraid to go through the parts that I don't like, I'm afraid that the climax of a story is predictable and sloppy written, I'm afraid the end will be a huge disappointment, I'm afraid my words aren't original, my characters are alike, my dialogues are boring, my story is clique, I'm afraid that people won't like it, say bad things about it, or worse, I will hate it myself. So many obstacles lie in my way to complete a decent novel. Many are times I find myself staring at the screen not knowing what to type next, not knowing which word to use even though there're scenes popping one by one in my head. That's when I think writing is so difficult. It's difficult because I don't know as many beautiful words as others, it's difficult because I don't know how to get by with my limited vocabulary, it's difficult because I cannot provoke thoughts with a simple line, I cannot force the tears cascade with a sad scene, I cannot make the readers smile with a little action. Which even sucks is whenever I try to pull on sweet and cute, it turns out childish and silly, and if dig in plain said, it becomes tragic and surreal. I let my imagination go free, but seems like it usually ends up going the wrong way. Sometimes I read what ppl at my age or even younger write and feel pity for myself, I feel talented and useless...And then, NaNoWriMo showed me a lot of things I didn't know. There're a lot of writers who have the same problems, they don't even know what they 're doing and why they're doing it, they have friends who don't take writing seriously, they have family who don't think they can write a piece and make millions of readers enjoy it, they don't even have time to write, they're burdened with lots of responsibilities and they're too old to even start. But they joined NaNoWriMo and decided to do something huge, something they should have done earlier, because they LOVE it, and because its' their PASSION. I started my story 4 days later than everyone so I always feel so pressured writing, two days ago I had this thought of giving up, then I considered it again and I chose to continue. It's so easy giving up, it's so easy thinking you cannot do this and that is something beyond your reach but it's hard to believe in yourself, realize that you can make a difference and everything is worth trying. This is my biggest dream so If I give up, I won't be able to do anything, and a dream will only be a dream. I don't think I can finish a 50000-word story this month yet I'll do my best. There will be only some winners of NaNoWriMo this year but participants know they themsevles all win something.

So, I have to go write now ^^
Have a nice weekend buds<3.

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i'm thao or just call me amber if you want. i'm goofy, crazy and lovely, depends on which angle you look at me. Thanks for dropping by and don't be startled by my insanity..



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