fade away...
so we'll start it over again...
Wednesday, July 23, 2008

I deleted all my older posts today, it felt like I'm erasing my past but look at how carelessly and stupidly I wrote, I could not resist. So it must be almost two months since I last posted something here, maybe more but who cares, I'm starting things over again. My life has just turned to another the page, I feel so, and I'm excited.

Reminiscing what I've been through this year brings so many thoughts and emotions I've never had. I've grown up a lot. Seems like it was just yesterday when I sat by the window pane thinking about how the future would be, and now it's in front of me. I was always like "University entrance exam? It's far far ahead. I don't have to worry about it" and gosh I just went through that state exactly 13 days ago. Somehow I couldn't believe I did it, it was the most stressful period of time in my life, so far. All the assignments, all the notes, all the studying until it past midnight got me shiver whenever I looked back, but on the other hand I'm proud of myself, how brave and positive I was. I also realize the difficulty of being alone fighting for something that is almost beyond reach. Above all, my love for my family increase to a certainly higher point, I mean I love them and stuff, but they meant a lot more when I was facing against the greatest fear of my life. Yeah, such a terrible kind of fear, even blindness and being burnt cannot compare to it.

Now talk bout the present, I'm on break and enjoying it to the max. I started buying real books and got myself engrossed into them. Some are a lil bit disappointing, some are amazing but it's much greater to hold a book than to stick my eyes onto the computer screen. I learned so many things from those authors, what kind of features I have to possess and what to avoid. There must be a long time till my writing can flow or hold such charm and wit like theirs. I truly wish someday I'll get something published and people will dwell my characters just as I do to my favorite books. Sweet dream isn't it? And I do believe that dreams come true.

Well I guess my summer just wraps around books and music. I have lost all my files on an accident, well more like due to my ignorance towards the computer's dangerous state of being infected with so many virus, now I'm paying for it T.T It may be a good thing though cos I have found a lot of songs that I like but never had a chance to download before, partly thanks to Debbie. Speaking of Debbie, we just got in touch again on MSN and everything went good. I'm so glad we got close again, I guess bestfriends are always bestfriends right? ^^ We're no longer awkward or distant, I can say all the stupid things I won't say to anyone to her and that's great. It's really cool. But my relationship with Kaylee doesn't get any better. I bet she will ignore me until she gets her exam result and it must be a good one, or else we may not talk to each other for the rest of our lives. I don't understand her, did I do something that saddened her? I guess I'm just tactless like that.

To end this entry, I have a dream about Bao last night and I swear I don't think of him that often. Well it was weird because he didn't pay a bit attention to me. He ignored me in real life and he ignore me in my dreams too. Gosh, I just...hate this.


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i'm thao or just call me amber if you want. i'm goofy, crazy and lovely, depends on which angle you look at me. Thanks for dropping by and don't be startled by my insanity..



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